Going back to school at age 45 comes with many challenges and feelings of apprehension. The decision to learn on campus instead of taking online classes was a difficult one to say the least. After much thought I realized that this is where I would gain the most personal growth and that my success would depend on being able to step out of my comfort zone.  I came into this knowing that I would be surrounded by the typical college student, and although I may have years of life experience they have yet to acquire, they in turn are tech savvy and are able to create relationships with each other that help foster their academic experience.

     My natural lone wolf mentality makes most days bearable. Being different is something I’m used to by now, I’ve learned to embrace it but there are days when the isolation is painfully obvious. Its prevalent in the hallways, the classrooms and the lunch room. The traditional students have many things in common here, most of them have found friendships and made connections with others, they study together, laugh together, enjoy lunch together and understand each others struggles. It’s the same with the staff here, they have all formed relationships and have others that share their experiences, stresses and other commonalities. And then……there’s me.

      I am also older than most of my instructors and it is difficult at times when their lectures center around the younger generation not to mention comments like “before you were born” and “when I was your age” just to name a few, and that tends to exacerbate the feelings of isolation. Maybe I just need to find a group of like-minded people, maybe the age gap could help, or maybe it wouldn’t matter at all. I had hopes it would allow me to bring a different perspective to the table, not quite, it became apparent that what I had to offer wasn’t helpful, I either have really crappy ideas or they feel I’m out of touch, guessing probably a combination of the two. I continue to search in vain for a place I belong.  I was told that there were plans for a non-traditional student group but it never formed. I will remain hopeful and continue to fill the empty spaces by continuing to dive deeper into my studies.

   Am I lonely? Yes, Am I alone? No, there have been others, and it’s been predicted that there will be more like me to come. My hope is that with time there will be more thought put into the academic experience of the non-traditional student.  It’s the difficult roads we travel that lead us to the best places. I have no plans of giving up, my experiences thus far have made me a stronger person and the support and encouragement I have received from my instructors and family have been the driving force that keeps me coming back and looking to the future. But really? Does it have to be so awkward.