“I’m done!” I exclaimed as I stormed off and slammed my bedroom door. As I sat there on the edge of my bed, I felt the sting as the tears started to well in my eyes, why can’t she see that I’m just trying to help? I’m her mother for gods’ sakes, it’s my job to step in when I see her making mistakes right? My mind quickly thought of my own mother, I lost her 15 years ago and like many times since she’s been gone, I thought about how I would have given almost anything to be able to call her right now to ask for her advice. Although she is gone I can still imagine the conversation we would have, I would complain about my 23 year old daughters stubbornness about how she raises her kids and how my 25 year old son refuses to take my advice when it comes to dealing with his soon to be ex-wife, it goes in one ear and out the other, and then my mom would say how she is reminded of similar young woman 20 years ago and I would know she was referring to me.

     My daughter moved back home almost 3 years ago, shortly after the birth of her first child and my son moved back last April after he and his wife decided to separate. I welcomed it with open arms. My daughter has 2 children that live with us, and my son has 2 children that he shares custody with their mother so I loved the idea of being able to be a bigger part of all their lives. It didn’t take long before we learned that this living situation was going to come with its challenges, how do I just sit back and watch a train derail without trying to flag down the conductor.

      When they were teenagers, they could tell me anything and they did, how is it that as adults they are dismissing my advice. I may never know or understand. It wasn’t until I lost both parents that I understood how invaluable they were to my life, maybe that’s just the way it has to be. I know there are a lot of us out there who’s adult children returned to the nest and I assume they are dealing with similar situations. I am finding it impossible to keep my 2 cents to myself, yes, they are adults but am I not entitled as their mother and obligated to try to steer them in the right direction? And more importantly how do I achieve this without them resenting me for not giving them room to make their own mistakes. In some aspects this seems harder than when they were young.

     So, when do you offer advice or know when to keep your mouth shut? An age-old question that I’m sure many other parents of adult children ponder and probably will till the end of time. My advice for all you moms and dads out there that are trying to pass along your priceless wisdom, don’t give up, your words may fall upon seemingly deaf ears but one day they will realize your efforts. My advice to anyone that finds themselves frustrated with their meddling parents, understand that their advice and suggestions come from the heart, being a parent never ends, whether your  10, 20 or 50 expect mom and dad to do and say anything they feel you need to hear, so listen.